you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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