I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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