Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
