last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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