You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize