Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
