You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
