The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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