smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
