I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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