ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize