K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
