Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
