She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
