umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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