she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
