I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
