This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
