Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
