ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
