Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
wow bdsm is so cute
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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