In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
