Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize