these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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