i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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