I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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