all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
