I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
