I'm really into asian looking animals
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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