forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
