i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
