I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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