I must be too annoying 4 u.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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