is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
