I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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