My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
