I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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