At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
