Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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