Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
