if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
