Your dad touched me again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
