That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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