dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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