I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
