it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
