i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
