So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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