I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
