Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
