i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
