I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
