guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
