Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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