thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
