you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
