I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
