He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
