How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
