I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
