I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
