There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize