Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
