My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
