I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
