Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
