god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
